Anonymous asked:

I’ve slept with several men, and I know that spiritually I am married too them. Though I loved each one at the time, I’ve decided now that I want too wait - mainly because sex means nothing too me. I have a child. And I was wondering, how on earth am I supposed too act around men, just, generally, and also, what should I potentially expect from a future Christian man or whatnot? What kind of man figure should I accept as a father, and mate? What characteristics should I look for?

I answered:

Well I don’t know who told you that you are “spiritually married” to every person you’ve slept with, nor do I have any idea what “spiritually married” means, but that is not a scriptural idea. You made mistakes in the past, but you don’t have to carry them with your for the rest of your life. Jesus separated your sins from you, they are paid for, you don’t need to keep dragging them around.

That brings us to the question of what you should be looking for in a Christian man. You want a guy who is aware that who you were is your past, not who you are or who you are being made into. That means a guy who is aware that he too has a past, and he knows that the love of Jesus has rendered that past null and void, and he is aware that the same is true of you.

This dude is also going to be a stepfather, and that is a job for a real man. This is, again, from a proper understanding of the mercy and love that God has showed him. God is a father by choice, which is a deep love and one that your future husband will have an acute understanding of. There is a massive mature move in saying “I have claimed this child as my own and they are mine.”

What you want in a partner is someone who knows who they are in the Lord. If there is any lingering insecurity or lack of identity, then that could turn out very poorly. A man who knows the depth and width of the love, mercy and grace that Jesus has poured out on him will have a proper understanding of how Jesus feels about your past (He has forgiven you completely and forever). We love because Christ first loved us, so a man has to understand and receive God’s love before he can give love to you.

-Matt from The Bridge

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