Anonymous asked:

Hello. I’m a teenager, and my first boyfriend and I are Christians. We aren’t together anymore because he was obsessed with being physical and acted like I beat him anytime I said no. We didn’t sleep together, but he pressured and pressured until everything went farther than I ever wanted it to. I feel horribly guilty because I let it happen, even though I’m the one who broke it off in the end. I’ve been praying about it but God seems so quiet. Is time the only way I can forget about it?

I answered:

Time certainly will distance you from the emotional sting of the situation. But I don’t think you ever fully forget things like relationships, and I am not sure you should want to. There are certainly some very unfortunate aspects of your situation. It sucks that you were pressured into going beyond what you were comfortable with. That doesn’t, however, negate the fact there are some positives for you to take away from this as well. 

You asserted your boundaries, even if it was later than you wish you had. That is not something to gloss over, it is a very mature step that a lot of people never get their heads around. You identified behavior that you won’t put up with and then severed the relationship when it didn’t stop. Again, there are plenty of adults who don’t have the confidence and guts to do that. You want to remember those positives from this, because they will serve you well in life.

It is very easy to fall into the trap of beating up on yourself for everything and let the victories go by without any notice. That ends up keeping us from learning from tough situations and instead, gets us caught in a cycle of shame and guilt. Shame and guilt don’t ever move you forward. We need to be able to recognize and celebrate our victories because that allows us to build on them and be better prepared for the next challenge.

-Matt from The Bridge

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