Anonymous asked:

I am in a relationship with a man who isn’t a Christian. He is agnostic, and I truly feel in my heart that he is on the cusp of being a believer. You guys say a lot of things about letting go of someone who doesn’t believe in Christ, but is it impossible that God has led me here because we are intended for one another and because he will come to Christ through loving me? I’m not going to foolishly assume that’s what’s going to happen and sit and wait around for that to happen, but I do think it’s possible for that to happen. I think the Lord could use our love to bring this man to him, and this man treats me like a princess and makes me feel so, so cherished. I feel like we were led to each other for a purpose.

I answered:

No, it is not impossible that you keep dating this gentleman, lead him to the Lord and you two will end up married and ride off into the sunset. Though not impossible, it is massively unlikely and also not the best course to get to that outcome. Timing is a massive part of a relationship working out, and pushing through even thought the timing is wrong is a bad path, especially compared to stepping back and seeing if a right time comes along. You seem to have the the idea that it is not an ideal situation from the phrasing of your question.

Relationships are extremely complicated, and coming to terms with spirituality can be complicated as well. So combining these two complicated areas of life, in a very uncertain circumstances, stretches things to just about the breaking point. You have a very clear way that you want this to go, which there is nothing inherently wrong with, but it means a lot of things get twisted up together. 

The reality, on its most simplistic level, is that if this person wants to continue being in a relationship with you, you want them to accept Jesus. So this makes it impossible to make a decision about Jesus without factoring you into that, at least subconsciously. It is not doing a service to your relationship or your boyfriend’s relationship to the Lord to intertwine those two things. It will sow doubt, justified or not, among both of you about exactly what motivated his decision.

My advice would be to dial the relationship back from dating to friendship. I am aware that you probably kind of expected me to say that, and that it is about the last thing you want to hear. If you are interested in this working out, then it is really the only route to go. It allows the guy to figure out how he feels about the Jesus thing with you still being a presence in his life, without adding that romantic level to the situation. At this point you are in a relationship on the possibility that a massive aspect of this person’s life is going to change. If it doesn’t, you have to either bail on them or be in a relationship that you don’t want for yourself. Disengaging right now, while painful, will be the best situation for both of you as individuals and your possible future.

-Matt from The Bridge

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