Anonymous asked:

Totally random question: This guy recently obtained my phone number (I did not give it to him, he says that he “pursued me and found it”), and now he won’t stop texting and phoning. Is it rude to not answer and to not reply?

I answered:

Let me read this scenario back to you. A guy got your number by “pursuing and finding” instead of asking you, and is now texting and calling you without your approval…and you are concerned that you are being rude to him? I don’t see any way that you are the rude one in this scenario.

This guy has behaved at best cluelessly, and at worst really disrespectfully, in several ways here. There is a disregard for boundaries going on here that I think you are right to be put off by. Let me take a quick moment to say to the dudes out there: “I pursued you” is a really bad answer to the question “how did you get my number?”. Now back to topic at hand, even if this guy wasn’t behaving in a weird way, you would still be well within your rights to not reply to him. You have the right to decide with whom you want to communicate and you don’t have to justify that.

It seems like you are risking falling into a trap that a lot of Christians get caught in, which is going through with a bad idea and a bad situation in the name of niceness. Niceness is not next to godliness, and allowing yourself to be treated poorly to avoid the a misbehaving person having to consider their misbehavior is not the way to solve problems.

This expectation of niceness at all costs can be a way to manipulate and bully people, very often women, into putting up with poor treatment. It is not unkind, or dramatic, or any other negative to say to someone “don’t act that way towards me.” Anybody who is telling you that you should put everybody else’s feelings before your own is selling something you shouldn’t be buying.

-Matt from The Bridge

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