Anonymous asked:

What if the great Christian guy I’m getting to know is a lot more traditional (and inexperienced) than I am? Ex. He might look down on me drinking a glass of wine at dinner, or raise his eyebrow at some of the music I occasionally listen to. A lot of the every day conversations we have turn (unnecessarily) into serious religious ones. He’s ready to settle down and seeing as how there’s little of that going on in the world - I don’t want to miss out on a great husband. Is this a deal breaker?

I answered:

So let me get the details straight on this: your boyfriend looks down on you for having a perfectly legal and moral choice of a drink, he judges you for enjoying certain music and he seeks to interject that judgmental attitude into any conversation he can. That is not about being traditional or inexperienced. All of these are marks of someone who is not comfortable with themselves and their faith. 

It sounds like the only thing “great” about this guy is that you think he is willing to marry you.

If “being married” status is the only thing you are going to get out of this relationship, it’s not going to be a good experience. Does spending the rest of your life not being able to have a glass of wine when you want, eyerolls and sighs for when you turn on the radio (or tv, or suggest a movie), and having liturgical lectures lurking around the corner sound appealing?

A lot of Christian gals think about dating like musical chairs: the only goal is to find a guy before the music stops. That is making a decision out of fear, which always leads to bad things. from your question, it sounds like you are thinking about what the minimum you are willing to accept is: Christian and looking to settle down.

You don’t want a bare minimum marriage, you want a mind blowing marriage. And that is what God wants for you too. Getting to awesome means willing to let go of barely-good-enough and letting go of the fear that drives you to that.

-Matt from The Bridge

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