Anonymous asked:

is it okay for a Christian guy to ‘hang out’ one-on-one with many different girls and pay for the lunch outings? and assume that the girls know that you are just friends? (i am a girl … and i had this guy do so to me but then find out that he hangs out with many other girls too … :/)

I answered:

It could be fine. It’s fine to go out with people. It’s fine for the guy to pay. In fact, if he invited you to lunch it might even be considered the polite thing. I’ve been in a totally platonic situation where the waiter just assumed and brought one check, and it was just easier to pay than go through splitting the bill at that point. 

The potential problems arise in the assumption that the people know each other’s intentions without laying them out. It sounds like you thought this guy wanted to pursue a relationship. So, when you found out that he was hanging out with other girls in the same way, that was upsetting, which is totally understandable. One of the best things about relationships is feeling special, that someone picked you above everyone else, and you kind of had that swept our from under you.

It makes sense you would assume that a guy who asked you to lunch, just the two of you, then picked up the bill wanted to date you. It is possible n theory, though it seems confounding, that this dude just likes hanging out with friends and grabbing lunch.

What needs to happen is laying some cards on the table. If you are confused about this, then you need to ask some questions. For example: “What the heck dude?”, but probably worded nicer, so maybe more like “When you asked me out and then paid, I kind of assumed that was a date. Did I read that wrong?”. 

It might be momentarily uncomfortable, but it will save a ton of headache and drama in the long run. The best time to have an possibly uncomfortable conversation is now. The longer you wait, the more layers of miscommunication add on and the deeper any bad feelings burrow down. It might be awkward, but it might turn out the way you want, so go for it. You can’t move forward unless you know where you stand.

-Matt from The Bridge

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