The Bridge Chicago is a way to offer the resources of Mission:USA to help people do good ministry.
I’m dealing with the worst anxiety and depression I have ever had in life. to the point of getting out of bed and going to class is proving impossible. I’ve had prayer. lots of holy spirit prayer. on Sunday I saw told I’d never have a problem like this again, but yet here I am. I cant even get out of bed any more. I don’t understand how an all powerful God would let this keep happening. I need it to stop because it is going to kill me. I can’t keep living like this.
I’m sorry my friend. Depression is brutal thing to deal with. I know because I have dealt with it. One of the most insidious aspects of being depressed is that it narrows your vision. You lose the ability to see a time when this gray cloud won’t be hanging over your head. I know it may not feel like it, but you are actually doing great to realize that there is something better than your depression and trying to find out how to get there.
It’s great that you are in prayer and have people praying for you. It’s not clear from your question who told you that you would never have a problem like this again, but I seriously doubt they were speaking for God. God kept the thorn in Paul’s flesh. I am not saying that God is not going to bring you through this, I am just saying that you may have the wrong idea of what coming through it looks like. Depression is something that you manage and deal with, but it is not necessarily something that goes away without a trace ever again.
I don’t know why God is letting this happen. As a good friend likes to say: I don’t get invited to those meetings. But I do know some things that aren’t the reason. It is not because God doesn’t love you, He does. It’s not because God has forgotten about you, He hasn’t. It isn’t because God is tired of you not getting past it, He is patient with us. It’s not because He doesn’t have a plan for you, He does.
I think realizing “I can’t keep living like this” is a profound statement. I would suggest doing some minor changes. Things like what you eat and getting some fresh air can make a big change. As can seeking out encouraging music and media. You might want to look at some options for some therapy as well. Talking to a counselor or mentor about your feelings and situation is an invaluable thing.
It is important to remember that you can be well. You are not broken or defective. God can bring you through this and He can use your experience to help others. You can get there, one step at a time, and you can start tomorrow.
-Matt from The Bridge